Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2013

Talking about nostalgia is very weird for me. Not only I have some of my fondness memories watching or hearing something that could lit up an emotional response, but also there's something that's achingly empty about it. That's why when ensembling this worst list is kinda difficult but also kinda not. Like I mentioned previously I was introduced of the concept of online criticism at the tail end of this year. And also I was in the hype cycle of Just Dance 2014 and all the rumored leaks that was happening. Till this day I still can't believe they add Just A Gigolo by Louis Prima on there, but in my defense the Rob Schneider movie with a gigolo in the title was released around this time. Because of that as you can see on my best list I have some songs that was tied to the Just Dance series where I get my pop music fix. Then I found less lame way to listen to pop music with Billboard chart, but that stretch of time between 2012-2014 was the prime time for my nostalgia window. But even with that, there are some stinkers that appeared on that game.

2013 is a good year for pop music but if there's one knock about this year is that the worst songs are decade defining clunkers. There's a sense of foreboding threat when talking about 2013 worst music because it was emblematic of the failure of the previous generations wrapped up into one. A sense of ickyness that permeating the year as a whole that you can't really described and just show. The banality of evil will be apparent with this list because a lot of these songs are just not fun to talk about. So unlike 2001 worst list where we can talk about how bad the production and lyrics are, we aren't so lucky with this year so this is a fair warning because we will talk about some triggering stuff so be warned. As per usual I will be using Billboard Hot 100 Year End List and also the top 100 most streamed songs released in 2013 which...oh boy there will be some hot take here. Without further dilly dallying.

TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2013

 

10. Like I said before, nostalgia really played a very big part of me assembling both lists. The underpinning of that is Just Dance game series. To be honest you can have those emotional response of nostalgia be the way you are arguing why a song is good or bad. This is why even though a lot of critics trashed "Feel This Moment" by Pitbull and Christina Aguilera and even when those critiques are valid, I still think this song is fine enough. Yeah the bad sampling aside, the emotional attachment I had with this song tied to a time where my innocence hasn't been tainted and to me that's a valid emotion. So yeah there won't be "Feel This Moment" on my worst list...this song however.

10. #thatPOWER by Will.i.Am ft. Justin Bieber

If we were talking about nostalgia, this song was in the Just Dance 2014 hype cycle and I remembered listening to it a lot. I even downloaded it on a shitty MP3 downloader on my Samsung Galaxy Pocket you can't get more millennial coded if you try. At least I was too young for flannel shirt. But when I saw a lot of critics on YouTube talked shit about this song I was falling in line with those opinions because well as a teenager you still need guidance. But after all of that I was willing to give this song a chance because maybe I was too harsh on the song. And while yes I was a bit too harsh on this song, it's still not good.

The majority of problems that plagued this song is definitely Will.i.am where I know he's trying to make another "Boom Boom Pow" and failed every time. It's kinda a miracle that "Scream & Shout" has any groove at all which is why this just missed this list along with some good harmony by Britney. But you don't have that luck here because the trade off here is Justin Bieber. The hook here is kinda terrible because Justin Bieber is a nonexistent prospect and this song heightened that with this goopy synth and cresencedo that amount to nothing of a drop, This song felt like it just ebb and flow and just doesn't move at all. It's definitely apparent with that thudding beat that amount to nothing. Emptiness is the right word to describe this song and that's how I feel about Will.i.am solo career as a whole. Let's move on before I go to sleep.

9. With the unprecendented success of country in the USA and other English speaking countries, going back to 2013 felt bizarre and yet familiar. On the one hand you can absolutely see this genre curdling into genreless mush. On the other hand some of these songs are just baffling to high heaven and would be still weird to charted in big 2020s. This was the year that bro country really blew up with the mixing of rap and country with the checklist style of songwriting. Now some bro country songs in this era does aged better than you might think. But really one thing I'm always look for with bro country is the having fun of it all. And this one is the least fun of them all and naturally is the worst one.

9. Boys Round Here - Blake Shelton & Pistol Annies

One thing about bro country is that the veterans don't really know what to do with it. For Tim McGraw he collaborated with Taylor Swift and Keith Urban on guitar to create one of the last country hit from Taylor herself honestly wasn't the most batshit insane thing she was on. The previous year Toby Keith went to a goofy hackball comedy with Red Solo Cup. Meanwhile Kenny Chesney is just becoming Millennials version of Jimmy Buffett. But none has been more embarrassing and as comical as Blake Shelton doing this sort of stuff.

Funny thing is that his ex-wife Miranda Lambert is in this song with the rest of Pistol Annies...as a backup singer. Meanwhile she has a song that became a hit that year (the only female country song on here...sad) called Mama's Broken Heart and I believe that song could be talking about Blake Shelton because man these two songs have contrasting qualities. Mama's Broken Heart was righteous and furious as she's trying to untangled her heartbreak like how her mom would do it. This song on the other hand is lazy, stiff, and sounds like anything but fun. 

At least the younger artists at that time knew how to have fun even if those fun are very dumb and frat boys. Here why are you bragging about chewing tobacco you are the same guy who will marry to Gwen Stefani. The production here is a mess too. Why there's the stuttered redneck voice here like you wanna opened up a song with a rap producer tag. The percussion here is cheap and the chorus is swampy enough for this to be very much not fun. No wonder Miranda Lambert divorced you when you make stuff like this.

8. One thing for certain when it comes to popular music or pop culture in general is the concept of a child artists. This concept is nothing new even in the contemporary history we have a lot of artists that started out when they're very young. In pop music there are a lot of musicians that started out very young and then grew up still making music. But this concept became more infamous thanks to the rise of sitcoms and the Nickelodeon and Disney Channel of the world. It's also no secret that younger artists tend to be abused and misled during their hayday but in the early 2010s it reached its peak. With the big one this year came from Miley Cyrus.

8. We Can't Stop - Miley Cyrus

There will be more child artists trying to become adults by making terrible music later on the list, but if you want to see the most infamous one is probably Miley Cyrus. Make no mistake here during the mid 2010s she was everywhere doing...twerking, partying, and just being white girl that coming of age trying to find herself in the world. Yeah as you can tell, the press tour for Miley Cyrus during that time was exhausting just because she starred in one of the biggest teen sitcoms ever. It's not even her first rebrand like remember Can't Be Tamed? There are some valid criticism and bullshit one about her behavior during that time but I think one thing we can agree on is that the music output from her is kinda dated and this is a big one. 

I think as a society we have accepted that maybe Mike-Will-Made-it isn't as good of a pop production as he is a rap producer. This song sounds very dry, dreary, and just overall not fun which is tragic because this is supposedly a party song. This song probably done as much damage as Royals did in terms of making pop music into this monogenre mush but at least Royals has good lyrics and performance that doesn't sound like dying cat. Yeah I don't think Miley vocals worked in this one especially the high notes that appeared on the bridge. If this is a party this song is like one of those party that never ends but everyone wanted it to be done with. All the sweat, blood, tears, and body odor accompanied with xanax and cocaine at the same time just feels icky. And that ickyness is why this song is on this list. Glad that she made better music after this but woof rough journey indeed.

7. There has been a lot of reasons that I put a song onto best or worst lists. I think this is one of those cases where one element of a song just ruined it so much so that it wound up on this list. 

7. Bad - Wale ft. Tiara Thomas

There are a lot of things that's wrong with a lot of the songs on this list, but the single choice made on this song is enough for me to put it on the worst list. It's that damn Trillville bed creaking samples. Even with the best of RnB songwriting this would've been on the list as a dishonorable mention. You know a lot of people clowned on the era where TDE trying to make Doechii the next SZA. But i'll give them this, they sampled the best part of the song which is the melody. Here it's just bed creaking and it just overpowered the mix to badly that I can only hear that sound. The guitar is nice and all but with these type of production that flat out garbage mixing wise, it made whatever the tension of the song just evaporate. Nothing much else to say here so let's move onto more annoying song.

6. One genre that came through the mainstream in the early 2010s is dubstep. People tend to forget that dubstep was very influential in terms of music production and how producers trying to make pop songs for the rest of the decade. Now the road to that path are very rocky in pop music. The concept of a drop was trying to become mainstream this year and we have one song that has dubstep element in it...too bad it's terrible.

6. Come & Get It - Selena Gomez

Another child star turned to adulthood that happened this year. Well before this she was casted in Spring Breakers but this was definitely the step she tooks with the music side and honestly it's just bad. A lot of the songs from this year aren't fun to talk about because of two things, 1. The songs are very boring and 2. the songs has some controversy behind it. Well we got both as this boring tuneless song got Selena into hot water of cultural appropriation allegations and how this song is anti-feminist. Look I was there even if I didn't knew a lot of the words being used I certainly knew it now. And if you wanna feel bad about yourself just look at the discourses happening in pop music around 2013-14 and you'll get a lot of that. Me personally I would've cared more if this song isn't flat garbage.

I'll admit the beat started out well with the bhangra inspired voice chant and the percussion. But it undercutted by the flat buzzy dubstep synth that doesn't match with anything other than making it a drop. Selena Gomez worked when she's very sultry and definitely not doing another Rihanna impersonator with the vocal inflection and the stutter. Really making this sensual song just hit a brick wall because what's so sexy about dubstep. That's why I don't really want to engage with the discourse that this song is appropriating Punjabi culture or that it's anti-feminist. As much as I think Lorde might be right, at the end of the day the tune must back it up and when it's just pure garbage like this? Yeah I just don't care about what it wants to say. Speaking of which.

5. Rap had a weird 2013. We'll get to more reasons why that is, but there are some gaps in rap that we should discuss. Rap this year was into a very awkward transitional period from the brighter club boom era to a more lowkey and darker trap rap. Yes Pitbull and Flo Rida still notching some hits, but you also have Future, Rick Ross, and Drake doing more trap rap with producers like Mike-Will-Made-It and DJ Mustard became prominent. We'll get to these rappers later on but what about the old guard? Well Snoop Dogg changed his stage name to Snoop Lion and making reggae album, Dr. Dre still not releasing Detox, Nicki Minaj nowhere to be seen, and Eminem...well he made one of his worst singles to date.

5. Rap God - Eminem

Yeah it's not Berzerk that will be on this list because I do like his homage to Detroit and Beastie Boys. Eminem at around this time was a shell of himself. It's remarkable how badly aged Recovery era Eminem was especially with how static and stiff the production and Eminem's flow was at that time. Berzerk was a breath of I'd say revival for Eminem and I'd say that Marshall Matters LP 2 is definitely better than it has any rights to be. It's because Rap God is just the worst that it deducted the point from that album.

A six minutes rap song where Eminem rambled and said nothing on the track and just resting on his fame and technical skill. The production here is just oily and very claustrophobic especially that weedy synth constantly poking you. And then there's the content and it's a incoherent mess. But the main theme of this song is that Eminem is a rap god and because of that he rambled on about how he's the greatest. While also have tons of dad jokes, out of nowhere misogyny, and slurs everywhere. And then there's that fast rap which just using Supersonic flow and it matched with nothing. 

It's maddening that this song has been co-opted by the worst white guy you know as the peak of rap. Like I know it's the hubris of white man and that fact didn't missed me. But like Eminem would do this formula 7 years later with Godzilla and it's actually fun because it has better production and hooks. That's the worst part of this the legacy that it left stained the rap scenes where rappers just prioritized flow rather than content. No wonder Gen Z are cancelling him next.

4. Todd in the Shadow coined the term "White guy with acoustic guitar" or WGWAG to described songs made by mostly white men with only guitar and how most of the songs are leering and very manipulative especially towards women. Now to a certain extent I can agree with this sentiment especially when you see what John Mayer was drivelled out in the 2000s. Now I don't have something against this as a whole per say I think there are times where sincerity was there and even if it was manipulative you gotta get that demon out of you. But this song not only failed to be sincere, but it's very condescending to you the listener and by now you know what song it is.

4. Let Her Go - Passenger

There are actually quite a lot of indie folk or folk pop songs that became a hit this year. But none has just infuriating me as this one right here. This is probably one of the first songs that I listened to and be like "You know maybe I don't like certain songs here". Which is kinda ashamed because I do kinda like the production here. The strings are pretty, the harmony were nice, and the mixing here is very warm and welcoming. Even if Michael Rosenberg voice is very willowy and thin I can see why people like this song at the time.

But the lyrics really soured on me with this song and that's why it's so high up. Genuinely the reason why is the usage of the second person pronouns here. It's basically a song where Passenger trying to calming a guy or you in this case from a breakup. But not only his way of easing up very condescending, it doesn't even make sense half the time. What do you mean by "Only know you love her when you let her go" mate if I let go of someone especially someone that I used to love, I probably won't love her now wouldn't I? It's this persumptiousness that really sink this song for me. It wants for you to believe this guy intention is good, but in the end his advice and wisdom are empty and boring platitude bullshit. Look if you got something out of it good on you. To me this song represent everything wrong with this kinds of songs. And I'm glad this song's legacy is the meme and that one even more awful Central Cee song. Good riddance.

3. You can't talk about 2013 without talking about a lot of the self image movement that happened around that time. It was a time where a lot of discourse at the time were about how this might be offensive towards overweight people or are we being mean to people that aren't as looking good as the models and actress. This of course seeping into pop music where admittedly were always at the cutting edge of progressivism and I can say that most of them are boring platitude. But only one from this year end that actively pissed me off not because it failed, but it disappointed me.

3. Girl On Fire - Alicia Keys

Let's not mince words here this is the worst Alicia Keys singles. Do you all remembered when I almost put Fallin' on the best of 2001 list and how very well produced it was. Well 12 years later she made this dirge of a song that supposed to empowered me as a woman. Like I'm sorry I don't buy this song because of how monotinous and blocky this sounded. At least with Roar and Brave you can hear the bright productions even if it's bargain barrell. This percussion over melody along with Alicia oversinging is just unlistenable. Oh hey there's Nicki Minaj too I guess.

This is why 2013 was such a slog for the pop chart because you can tell the talent was there, but it was used to trend chasing. Percussion over melody? check! Oversinging compensating for actually melody? check! Lyrics that's generic enough that you can relate to it? check! and Doing the millennial whoop? Bingo you got straight row on how to make bad music in the 2010s. The fact that this is the last Alicia Keys hit is very infuriating because she has a lot of talents but then she squandered it with making songs like this. That disappointment is why this song is so high here because Alicia Keys deserved better than being in this type of production.

2. At the time I'm writing this post, CNN just exposed a website that livestreamed and discussing how to rape and drugged women from their partner, friend, and even wife. The site last monthly visitors was at 62 millions peak which means this website was being visited 62 million times. Now why do I bring up recent news when I supposed to talk about 2013 hit songs? Well these two songs represented the catalyst of the manosphere bullshit that would come in the 2020s. While a lot of writers at the time were talking about is Lorde racist? or Macklemore not doing enough for gay rights and all the other bullshit discourses. This song slipped through the cracks of the hitpiece machine. Heck this one got a TikTok revival just last year. Well lemme burst your fun bubble by saying this song is not only awful, but disgusting and very misogynistic and by now you know what it is.

2. Love Me - Lil Wayne ft. Drake & Future

In the mid 2010s, Lil Wayne was making a lot of bad hits and while Believe Me was decent comeback, frankly you cannot comeback from making Love Me. Before we are talking about why this song is in the place that it is, we need to talk about the productions because it's just suck. Even though Mike-Will-Made-It made pop song into atonal drone, he ain't do better on the trap productions around this time. The production here is very oily and grating with that synth and the hazy percussion. All three rappers here sounds like they're not having fun at all and that leads to the lyrics.

You know why the part that got the TikTok trend was "I can fuck who I want and fuck who I don't"? It's because that's probably the best lyrics on the album because the rest sucks. All of these men are acting on their worst impulses around women and you know that could work. The recent example of this is Geordie Greep. But with Geordie Greep you can tell that he deconstructing and playing characters of a suave guy on the outside but pathetic one on the inside. Lil Wayne meanwhile thinks that he's a sexy dominator, but the lyrics is making him sounded like a juvenile asshole like Andrew Tate. 

Even if this song live up to the worst fantasy that a man could do to women and you want to let it out with this song, there are better songs to do it. Lil Wayne here thinking that being a dom is just being asshole. A strict diet of dick and the hook on how he will cum and then she shouldn't make a sound. Again it's lazy and very much not fun. And the second verse is worse because he adressed the hater and then juxtapose with him saying his dick taste like morphene. This fantasy is just so immature that you can't escape the thought that the manosphere are copying this song ethos. And the acceptance of this song is why this is so high on this list. It was a disgusting song back then, but a dark path to what men are allowed to do later on. No wonder Lil Wayne was pardoned by the orange guy. They're both operate on the level of this song and that's the sad reality of it all. Ugh!

Now before we get to our #1 and a lot of y'all know what it is. Let's go through the dishonorable mentions.

Started From The Bottom - Drake

This is probably the first song where a lot of people lose faith in Drake. When you have the success that you have, why are you sounded very lethargic. It's that looping melody that neverending and it became grating real fast. 

Holy Grail - Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake

Suit & Tie is actually a good song and only missed my year-end because a lot better songs are on that list. This one I think it's just unlistenable and almost making into my worst list proper. An almost six minutes song where Justin Timberlake overwrought performance can't cover Jay-Z whining about how hard his life when you are a billionaire. I don't really wanna get into the black capitalism discourse but I don't want to listen to any billionaires winging how they have a hard life actually. Next!

Love Somebody - Maroon 5

Love Somebody is Maroon 5 trying to sounded like Robyn's Dancing On My Own. If that's not something that scared you I don't know what it is.

The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?) - Ylvis

In 2013, due to the backlash of Gangnam Style not reaching #1 on the Hot 100, Billboard decided to included YouTube and User Generated Content to their calculations. The results was this song charted and we must be bored back then because why a second rate Eurovision like song became viral? 

I Knew You Were Trouble - Taylor Swift

This song is here because of that godawful re-recording for Red (Taylor's Version) that made me realized how badly produced and ill-concieved concept this song really is. Again I'm glad that people have the reappraisal for Dubstep but this we should left behind. 

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

Out of all albums that became ubiquitos in the 2010s, AM by Arctic Monkeys might be the most damaging of them all. Especially with this song, indie became formless mush that doesn't have the muscle or grit to back up the awful lyrics. 

Harlem Shake - Baauer

Remember when Billboard dropped their new rules about YouTube and UGC in the middle of Harlem Shake? Making this song to have the most streams out of any songs in a single week on the Hot 100 so much so that this song stayed at #1 for 4 weeks? Anyways check out Baauer TikTok account he made great videos about samples in music.

Now let's get into...

1. Making this retro list has taught me that bad songs at the time might be more egregious but they will go away. A lot of bad hits that got included into the typical "worst hit songs of all time" lists tend to be the ones that's very infamous and stood the test of time in how shitty they are. I do sometimes buck against the consensus and go with my emotional gut because music is subjective and one man's trash is another man's treasure. But this #1 song...it only infamous for one objectively terrible line and subjectively you could listen to it and enjoy it. But there's nothing I can say about you if you enjoy this song other than disgusting creep. 

1. U.O.E.N.O - Rocko ft. Future & Rick Ross

If you already knew the history of pop music or rap music, you won't be surprised this song is on this list. But to explain why this song might be the contender for worst of the 2010s we need to do it step by step. This song sounds terrible with that squawking synth, the badly mixed percussion, and overall not good time like most trap rap that got popular this year. Future thinks that if you drink enough lean your slurring might sounds like the titular track name. Rocko is very much anonymous this is his only hit. And Rick Ross well apart from being very lazy, he blurted out the most infamous lines of the song "Put molly all in her champagne, she ain't even know it. I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it."

That lines is specifically about date rape. And some men are saying "oh but it's like rap song so it's probably playing a character" Even if you are playing a character there's not a single commentary of any of the bragging especially the lines before it was all about Reebok. This is glorifying rape through and through and even if Rick Ross has apologized for it, he only did it to save his brand deals. It's disgusting and it's very reprehensible and the definition of hedonistic slop that permiating the hip-hop scenes around this time to the extreme. That alone would've put it at the top of any worst lists. 

But you know why I'm talking about this song here? Well that term "hit" put a heavy weight on this song because this song did charted long enough to be part of the history books. That part right there is why it's so infamous because it was played on the radio and being streamed and bought by people who should know better. And even after the controversy neutered the popularity of the song, other rappers lined up to make a remix of this song. Including Black Hippy which is TDE's own posse that included Kendrick Lamar who said that he wanna rape the rap game. That normalization of the language of rape is the reason why both Love Me and this song is so high up here. They both revealed the worst part of society that enables it and I don't care about being too woke because have you seen the news? Without a doubt the worst song of 2013 and I hope to god that men can do better than this, but they don't even know it.

That's all from me and honestly I'm glad that I got some of these out of my chest. Have been bottling these feelings for a long time and I'm glad that I can untangled these feelings. Next up!

Huh...interesting year. Stay tuned!